I’ve been thinking a lot recently about a few things. Happiness. Success. Beauty. Love. Priorities. Those five aspects of life, as I have so viewed them, serve a great purpose in my daily existence, more so recently than ever. Over the next few days, I’ll blog about each just to get some thoughts off my chest and into something a bit more tangible.
First: Beauty.
I was an ugly duckling growing up; I had the most absurd out-of-place teeth, the oddest abundance of freckles, and ginger features. Any crush I had on a boy might as well have been forgotten because, let’s be honest. Pre-pubescent boys are not smooth with declining your interest (arguably, neither are post-pubescent “men…”but that’s for another discussion). 15 months of orthodontia later, I had this new mouth, this new smile, that made me more physically appealing. Sure, I was still socially awkward and honestly, wearing too much makeup, but I was a new me. Over the course of high school, I became more lazy, and wore less makeup, until college rolled around and the only time I ever wore it was on special “pretty” days, choir concerts, or recently, to my wedding. All over Pinterest and YouTube, there are young women coloring their faces with foundation and concealer and lipstick and goodness knows what else, and I just can’t do it anymore. I feel like I’ve reached a point where it’s no longer considered laziness for me, but more a level of comfort in the things that are genuinely me. Each freckle can be viewed as a wonderful sign of every time I’ve ever been kissed by the sun. Each scar, a sign of illness battled, or a time I’ve conquered a new challenge. The bags under my eyes demonstrate another restless night due to a lost struggle with anxiety or schoolwork. I don’t want to be thinner or bigger; I want to feel healthy and not winded when I climb a mountain of stairs. Beauty, in my 20 years of living, has evolved into an experience rather than a trait. I feel beautiful because I’ve overcome obstacles, kept healthy, and pamper when necessary (though, truthfully, that still needs work). I’m way below average height. I look like I’m twelve, and waiters at certain establishments love to remind me of this truth. But every single one of these distinctions comprise this human being. Make-up or none, rail-thin or heavier set, freckles or clear complexion, this is me and this is who I am. Beauty isn’t always defined by another person’s analytic eye. Beauty, to me, is defined by one’s ability to find comfort in the way life has shaped him or her. No matter how many disagree, we’re all unique in ways we could have never determined.
So, I will continue to be vertically challenged, adorably young-looking, and hopelessly flawed. I will work out if only to make myself feel less lazy. Most importantly, I will love myself because I have the freedom to, even if I am all of those things of which society does not approve. I’m not settling. I’m only acknowledging.
DevifyDev 